


Nightmares

by VictoriannWings



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Death, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, choice with no regrets, cwnr, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 08:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6232249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VictoriannWings/pseuds/VictoriannWings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The days leading up to their first expedition went by in a sleep-deprived blur. The closer Levi got to killing Erwin, the more frequent and vivid his nightmares became. But things change, and people die, and unexpected people mean more to Levi than he realises.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmares

Levi had grown accustomed to the nightmares. He couldn't remember a time without them. Growing up in the Underground, where his uncle or his mother's clients or really anyone was a danger to him, he had never been a heavy sleeper. The faintest twitch in the night could rouse him. 

He remembered one night when a whimper woke him up. He stared around in the darkness, heart beating in his ears, blade at the ready. Softly, he heard it again. 

"Levi?" Another whimper.

"Isabel? Are you okay?" He lowered his blade, reached for a candle, lit it with fumbling fingers. 

She looked so small, hair loose around her shoulders, eyes wide. "I...I had a bad dream. Can I stay with you?"

Levi's lip curled a little and his face softened. He pulled back the blanket, outstretching his arms. She closed the gap in seconds, and she was warm and small. Her breathing slowed in seconds, and Levi lay awake almost until morning, holding her, protecting her against her unspoken fears. 

But when the nightmares woke him, he would sit with his back to the wall and his eyes peeled and a knife in each hand and he wouldn't sleep sometimes for days. The fatigue made his heart race. And day by day with Isabel and Farlan at his side, with each mission or adventure they went on, he lived on pure adrenaline and some weird mixture of trust and insomnia. 

Sometimes, he was able to sleep, and sometimes, there weren't nightmares. And those nights he slept better than he thought he could; he often times forgot what a good night's sleep felt like. The circles under his eyes grew darker. 

They grew darker even still when he joined the Survey Corps, Isabel bouncing along behind him, Farlan trudging behind her. An elation, almost a kind of hope, filled his heart: they were going to kill Erwin Smith and they were going to be released from the Underground. Levi and his friends would live on the surface, and they would eat proper meals, and they would have their own, clean house that he would keep spotless. Farlan would cook them delicious stew, with meat, even, and vegetables. His mouth watered at the thought of it. Isabel would sing to them, dancing around in Levi's living room, knocking over his broom. And Levi would reprimand her, but he would pick up the broom and later, while scrubbing the bathroom, she would catch him humming the same tune.

That future fueled him. Killing wasn't a qualm for him, or that's what he would say if asked. The nightmares said otherwise.

Erwin Smith, a man who spoke in fancy phrases and flowery expressions, would die, and Levi would go home without another thought. 

The days leading up to their first expedition went by in a sleep-deprived blur. The closer Levi got to killing Erwin, the more frequent and vivid his nightmares became. He woke with a start. Sweat beaded down his forehead, his chest heaving, and he pressed his eyes closed for a moment. Fists thrust into his pillow, he slowed his breathing. One more death, and then he would be free. Just one more.

In the mornings, Farlan made sure he ate. Levi's stomach was a volatile creature on his best days, but choking down yeast rations and tea, every day, at similar times of the day, when he was used to eating sporadically and whatever they could get their hands on, made his stomach a little worse for wear. 

He was barely used to eating when they left for their first expedition. Isabel's pigtails bobbed in excitement. His undercut prickled down his neck. Farlan rode by his side, shifting in his saddle. 

Erwin sat on his white mare, tall, large, golden hair gleaming in the sunlight at the head of the Scout Regiment's lineup. Levi's stomach flipped a little. This would be the day; he could feel it. His veins were charged with a weird electricty and his body tingled with anticipation. 

Just one more kill, and then they were free. 

\--

That night, the nightmares were different. 

Levi stood on top of a dusty, broken-down building, the dim lights of the Underground sparkling above him like dying stars. Below, the alley was filled with corpses. He recognised every single one of them: his mother lie directly below him, her open, fever-stricken eyes staring. Body after body lay out before him--the faces of those he had killed. The faces that flashed in front of him every night. The faces that seared his eyelids, that caused him to lie awake, afraid if he let himself relax, he would close his eyes and see their staring, begging, fearful, agonised features once more. 

And through all the pools of blood, the limbs, the twisted mouths crying out in silent screams, there, rolling out from behind the corner of another building, was Isabel's head, blood seeping from a neck severred too soon. Her pigtails were a much darker red than usual, soaked through, plastered to what remained of her neck.

Levi's fingers dug into his own palm. Icy sweat slid down his back. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. He would kill Erwin, and they would be free. It was just a dream.

\--

Reveille woke him but he could barely peel his puffy eyes apart. He dragged himself to the baths, doused himself in cold water, his whole body shaking. Levi knew if he looked at himself in the mirror right now, he would look like shit. So he didn't.

That day he ate his rations alone, in silence. He glared at anyone who approached him. Not that there were many. 

He went through his training with numb fingers. Returning from the mission yesterday without Isabel and Farlan...He clenched his hands. Erwin Smith, they were supposed to kill him, they were supposed to live a life free from darkness, free from the Military Police, free from starvation. And now he was the last one left. And Erwin's words the night before, as Levi stood above Isabel's face, the face he knew so well, when she was laughing, when she was happy, when she was scared, when she was teasing him--Erwin's words echoed through his mind. The choices Levi made in this world affected him and they affected those around him. He knew that, he'd known that. But he had warned Isabel and Farlan about the dangers they faced--they knew that, too. His heart ached as he remembered sitting on the wall, the stars above them, real stars, the night before their expedition, and he tried not to crack. 

With all his might he slugged his fists at the training dummy until he wore himself out. That night he nursed his raw knuckles over his rations and barely nibbled at them. He sipped his tea, bruised fingers foggy, fumbling. 

"Might I join you?" Levi lifted his head, looking up past his untidy hair. Erwin stood before him, towered over him. 

Levi glared, then shrugged. Erwin smoothly sat. The Captain smiled slightly, taking a thoughtful bite of his own meal. Levi stared down at his tea. 

"You know," Erwin mused, "Death, and loss, shape us. You were led to me, to the Survey Corps, for a reason. While I grieve your losses and empathise with you, I know that you have been through worse and you will get through this, too. You're here, and your friends were here, for a purpose. Embrace that." 

While he knew the words were meant to help, Levi sneered at him. "I suppose you know so much about loss--about tragedy, hmm? Did your mother take away your toys too early?" He crossed his arms. He knew he was being petty, but talking about his feelings, especially when they were sharp, raw wounds in his chest, was never Levi's strong suit. 

Erwin's lips drew straight in a line. He studied Levi, his intense blue eyes gathering all of him in. Levi's jaw set. 

"They were like your family." Erwin leaned back a little. The strength of his gaze made Levi's face burn. 

For the first time since Erwin sat down, Levi lifted his head, meeting that penetrating gaze with returned vehemence. "You said not to regret my choices," Levi's voice was level, measured. He remembered his silent vow the night before: that this man was someone who would lead humanity to greatness, and that he would follow him. "What's done is done. I will move on from the past." His last sentence echoed in his ears, rang hollowly. He glanced away.

He could feel Erwin still looking at him. "So it seems. Then let us move forward." The big man extended a large, rough hand toward him. "Let's reacquaint ourselves. I look forward to working with you, Levi." 

Levi set his tea down and reluctantly shook Erwin's calloused hand. The small man gripped it and he saw a flicker of surprise across the Captain's face before his mask replaced itself. Smirking to himself, he realised that Erwin hadn't expected such strength from a dirty rat from the Underground, broken up about his friends who hadn't even made it through one expedition. The satisfaction spread warmth throughout his tiny frame; for the first time since the trio had left the Underground, Levi felt like he could finally see a real future: a future following Erwin. And while nothing would ever lessen the pain of losing his friends--no, his family--this made it somehow bearable. 

That night, Levi walked to the baths alone, a single candle burning in the corner. Even with the flickering, shadowy light, he could tell the dark circles under his eyes were deep and dark, but somehow, he didn't look as sickly as usual. 

He fell asleep holding his knife under his pillow and woke at reveille, well-rested for the first time in years. His hand was slack around the metal when he woke. 

Erwin joined him for breakfast that morning. He was a little surprised; the Captain usually wasn't around for breakfast. A lot of the other soliders spoke of the Captain being up late working, rising early and working, and just doing a whole lot of working, hardly interacting with most of the troops and rarely eating. But Levi sat at a corner table, his back to the wall, watching his fellow troops going about their business, when the tall man sat down in front of him. 

"Good morning," he said formally, eyes twinkling. "How did you sleep?"

Levi shrugged. "Fine," he glanced around the room, "You?"

Erwin took a hearty bite of his rations, nodding. The thoughtfulness in his eyes made Levi shift in his seat. 

"So," he continued, "I've seen you train a few times. Your fighting techniques are unique. I'd like to spar with you later, if that's okay." 

Levi grimaced. "Do what you want, blondie. I've got work to do." He stood up, scowling down at him; he was barely taller than Erwin while he was sitting down. Muttering curses under his breath, he grabbed his bowl and his cup and stormed off. 

Erwin's charisma and ability to present his insight in a way that was processable and useful to the entire Corps made him the ideal leader and strategic expert that Commander Shadis needed, and undoubtedly that was what got him where we was now, Levi knew that. But when he saw Erwin, he saw height that could only be acquired with proper nutrition and lack of starvation; he saw privilege and entitlement that made Levi want to war with his words. This man, despite living his life amongst nobles (or so he suspected), exhibited a wisdom that reached Levi's core. 

And while sparring that afternoon was the first time he and Erwin had fought since their fateful meeting in the Underground, he discovered it was not their last. His days in the Survey Corps, his grief for Isabel and Farlan, the nightmares that haunted his brain, even during his waking hours, were all made a little easier as he got to know those around him. And above all, he got to know Erwin Smith. He learned the man favoured his right side when he fought and so Levi struck him on his left so many times that soon Erwin had bruises on his left shoulder. For days. The smugness in Levi's smirk when Erwin showed him made Erwin glower. 

He learned that Erwin had a weakness for song, that he rarely got drunk in public, that Mike had a way of bringing out an almost relaxed version of Erwin that Levi found curiously intriguing. Sometimes they would spend late evenings together, and Levi would sit with his back to the wall and his knees to his chest, holding the top of his cup, watching Erwin and Mike over the edge of his tea as he sipped. They told embarrassing stories about each other; Levi listened attentively to the cadence of their voices, their laughter and jokes filling him with a peace that was new to him. His shoulders softened. He had lost his family, but maybe he could be a part of this new life, of this life where it was okay to smile, to let your guard down sometimes. Maybe his decision to follow Erwin meant that he could trust this man, too. 

He found that, while he let Erwin do most of the talking, in any situation, when Levi did speak up, the man always listened to him and weighed his thoughts with true contemplation. He found that no matter how much Levi insulted him, Erwin listened to the meaning behind his words; that when Levi told him to fuck off one particular evening, as Erwin happened upon Levi's hiding place, a bench just outside the edge of the Corps' barracks, he didn't leave, but gingerly sat down next to the small man. Levi crossed his arms, determinedly looking at the ground. 

"I said, fuck off," he repeated. His shoulders hunched. 

Erwin hesitated, then laid a hand on Levi's shoulder. While Levi could have sworn Erwin had sat down on the edge of the bench, he could feel the man's breath, warm, on the side of his neck. "If you need to talk, I'm here to listen. But if you really want me to go, I'll go." A pause while he inhaled and exhaled; the hair on the back of Levi's neck rose in response. "But I think I'd rather I stayed and listened, don't you?"

Sharply Levi turned his face. He sucked in his breath, realising how close their faces were. Erwin leaned back slightly, and Levi's skin was cool again. 

"Farlan knew when I didn't want him to fuck off and when I did," Levi said; the words were a little foreign. He turned them around his mouth, tried them on, tried to solidify his thoughts. 

Erwin nodded slightly. His hand was still on Levi's shoulder. 

The small man's face twisted, eyebrows pinched together, and he balled his fists in his lap. His tongue was incredibly dry. He didn't know what else to say. There were so many thoughts swimming around his head, he could hardly think straight. They felt stuck in his throat, and he couldn't force his voice to start working. 

And then Levi's eyes were stinging, and he was staring at the ground again, blinking rapidly, fists clenching and unclenching, his whole body shaking. 

Erwin's arms were big and warm as he pulled Levi to him, engulfed him. No matter how hard he tried to keep them in, the tears squeezed out his eyelids, and Levi trembled against Erwin's muscled body. His hot breath blew into Levi's hair again, and despite feeling worse than he had since it had happened, he felt better, too. 

This kind of warmth and safety filled him with a calm, a quietness, and he let himself cry for a moment, silent, in Erwin's arms. Then, regaining himself, he rubbed his sleeve across his eyes and pushed Erwin away slightly. Slightly, but not all the way. Erwin's arm was still draped across his shoulders, heavy but reassuring. 

"Sorry," he managed, his cheeks warm. 

"Don't be." The response was genuine; Levi looked up at him. His eyes were red and wet, and Erwin's were blue and soft, drinking him in. He realised with a start how badly he wanted to stay lost in those eyes, then looked at his fingers, shyly. 

They sat there for a while in comfortable silence. Levi let his breathing relax. He would never let go of Isabel and Farlan, but at the very least, he could let go of his pain.

\--

That night he tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. He wrapped his thin blanket around his body. He missed those nights when it was too cold beneath the earth, when he, Isabel, and Farlan would curl up together for warmth, backs pressed together, limbs tangled up. Those were the only nights he felt safe. 

Those were the only nights he slept with his knife locked in its sheath and not held by the handle at the ready. Those were the only nights he slept soundly, nightmares held at bay; he lay now, by himself, in an empty bed, and his thoughts drifted to Erwin's arms around him, and the rush of peace, of security, that had washed over him. His eyelids drifted closed as his whole body ached with a pain he didn't understand yet. I'm so alone and yet I'm surrounded by people, Levi's chest hurt from the weight of it all. 

He woke an hour later from a nightmare that made his head spin. 

Sitting on the edge of his bed, head held in his hands, he watched his chest rise and fall, straining to make his breathing slow down. He couldn't untangle one thought from another, his mind was buzzing. Heart pounding, he pulled on a shirt and pushed out the barrack doors and into the night. 

He began to shiver as the cold air hit his sweaty skin. Levi jogged around the barracks once, twice, then laid down on his bench. The cold metal made him shiver more. If Levi was a different person, he would go back inside purely from fear of freezing. And, frankly, he probably should. But he lay there, in his pajamas, staring up at the stars. Sometimes he was afraid to look at them: afraid they weren't real, that they were just vivid versions of the lights of the Underground. That he didn't deserve to look at them without his friends by his side. But tonight, he studied them, got to know their patterns and groups and clusters, counted them, even. He lost count. 

The edge of the sky began to lighten and his body had gone numb from the cold when he finally trudged back inside and collapsed in his empty bed. 

Reveille came too soon. The dark circles were back. Levi curled into his chair at his usual table at breakfast, but Erwin didn't show up. Typical. Once he was done eating, he took a bowl and headed to Erwin's room; he knocked, but there was no answer. He pushed open the door slightly, saw it was empty, and closed the door again. Heading instead to Erwin's office, he knocked again. There was no reply, but he thought he could hear snoring inside the room. He knocked again, louder. There was a thud and then the sound of papers shuffling and then, "Who is it?"

"It's me," he replied, "Levi."

A chair scraped across the floor and then the door opened. "You slept through reveille, dummy," Levi explained. "I brought you some breakfast."

Erwin, hair disheveled, collar folded funny, beamed. "Thank you, Levi." He accepted the bowl and motioned for him to enter, closed the door behind them. 

Levi grimaced; his office was a mess. Stacks of books and papers and scrolls littered the desk and one corner of the room, the bookcase was crammed full of large, dusty encyclopedias and manuals that were clearly out of order, and a cold, untouched mug of coffee sat on Erwin's table. There were three quills lying on his desk and all of them had been used, plus the inkwell still had its cap off. Levi couldn't help himself; he recapped it. 

"Fucking, when was the last time you cleaned this place?" Levi wrinkled his nose. 

Erwin, smoothing down his hair, blushed bright red. "Uh--I usually don't have to clean, I'm sorry." 

Flustered Erwin, Levi discovered, was a strange sight to see. The large man awkwardly stuck his hands in his pockets, then took them back out again, and they hung, purposeless, by his side. Then he straightened the quills on his desk. Levi huffed; as if that was going to fix the wreck in here. 

"You ought to take a day and tidy this shit up," he scowled, kicking a particularly large half-open book. "I bet there's shit growing in here."

Erwin opened his mouth, then closed it. Still red, he set the bowl of food on the desk and picked a stack of papers off the ground. "I didn't ask you to come in here," he said quietly, avoiding Levi's gaze.

Heart softening a little, Levi closed the gap between them, not sure what to say or do. He wanted to touch Erwin, but the idea seemed a little out of place. "I was just teasing you," he offered, uncrossing his arms. The big man's cheeks faded a little. 

"I'm sorry," Erwin said again. He gripped Levi's shoulder appreciatively. "I know you meant well. Perhaps...you'd be willing to help me tidy up later?" One of his thick eyebrows raised. 

Levi's lips turned upward, almost smiling. "Sure. Whatever you say, blondie." He shoved his hand off his shoulder, playfully, and then immediately missed its presence. "Eat your food before it gets fucking cold." 

Levi's morning went by in a rush of his duties and training and adrenaline. He wolfed down his lunch, actually hungry, and headed to Erwin's office again, cleaning supplies in hand. The large man was hunched over his desk, writing furiously, and hardly noticed Levi enter. 

"Hey," he said, pushing his papers back. "Is it that time already?" 

Levi snorted. "Forget to eat lunch again? I need to get you a watch." He set his bucket and broom down; they would have to start small. He grimaced. Somehow he hadn't realised how disgusting Erwin's office really was until he was faced with cleaning it himself. 

Despite the grossness of it all, Levi had always found cleaning calmed his insides, blocked his thoughts. He found, too, that having Erwin to boss around and clean beside him made him swell with something that was almost excitement; Erwin kept him busy, talking while he cleaned, painting his ideas so clearly with his words that Levi could almost see them. Great plans for humanity, Erwin explained, ways that they could defeat the titans and live a life where they were free. 

If it was anyone but Erwin, they would sound like delusions of grandeur. But Levi knew this man, if anybody could, would lead them to victory. 

If he could keep his office clean. 

And, as the afternoon passed, Levi began to talk back. He spoke to Erwin of his time at the Survey Corps so far, of his thoughts on Erwin's plans, of Isabel's favourite songs. He knew Erwin would appreciate her musical talents. He recalled one night when Mike and Erwin had had a little too much to drink and Mike had dared Erwin to sing at the top of his lungs. His booming voice hadn't sounded half bad. Levi's eyes lit up at the memory. Erwin and Isabel would have made a great duet. An unexpected wave of emotion hit Levi, and he stopped for half a second in the process of picking up a book off the ground. 

"What's wrong?" Nothing got past Erwin Smith. 

Levi grabbed the book and stood, shaking his head. "Nothing. Tell me about your formation ideas again." He needed to hear Erwin speak, listen to the thunder of his passion, the smoothness of a voice that could inspire hundreds and hundreds of people to follow him. 

Erwin began to talk again, and as he grew more animated, Levi had to interject and remind him to keep cleaning, but otherwise, he stayed silent, drinking in Erwin's words, letting his voice wash over him. Time passed quickly, and it felt like it had only been an hour or two when Levi realised the candles were burning low, and the voices in the mess hall rang out across the courtyard. 

He surveyed the office, where Erwin was rearranging the books on his shelf at Levi's instruction. The floor was clean, the shelves dusted and organised, and Levi had even endeavoured to clean the cobwebs from the ceiling. Satisfied that this was now a livable space, he signaled for Erwin to stop. 

"You didn't eat lunch," he reminded him, stacking his cleaning supplies in a corner. "Let's go eat dinner, shall we? I think I can actually breathe in your office, now."

Erwin gave him a sheepish grin, standing up. "It was that bad, huh?"

Levi rolled his eyes. "I honestly don't know how you could function like that." He straightened some papers on the desk reflexively. Talking about cleaning made him want to continue, but hunger clawed at his belly. "Come on, I don't want you to miss another meal."

"I suppose some sustenance would do us some good," Erwin relented, and straightened his jacket. 

They ate dinner almost completely in silence, and Levi sat next to the wall instead of his back to it.

When Erwin finished, he waited; Levi pretended not to notice him sitting there, comfortable, one of his hands resting on the table, his bowl empty. He sulked behind his spoon, staring at each bite as he chewed. Ignoring Erwin somehow made him feel better about letting his guard down. After today, sharing a meal and spending the entire afternoon deep in conversation, albeit while they were cleaning, Levi found it hard to deny himself the idea that Erwin was a friend. He turned his spoon over, then took another bite, brows furrowed. 

"How are you feeling, Levi?" The deep, silken voice interrupted his thoughts. Erwin's low tones brought Levi's gaze up to his. "You look upset."

Levi put his spoon down. "You're done eating and you're still here."

Erwin frowned. "And that upsets you?"

"I didn't say.." Levi stopped talking, not sure what he meant at all. Erwin's presence reassured him as much as it confused him. He squirmed in his seat. 

Erwin shrugged. "It's okay," he added, "I'm going to put my bowl up and get back to work. I'll be in my office if you need to talk." He strode away. 

Levi pushed the last bit of his food around in his bowl; Mike came by to tell him a few stories, then disappeared, saying he was going to meet some of the others for drinks. Levi declined the invitation. When he finished, he debated about going to see Erwin again, but he was still a little embarrassed by his speechlessness earlier, and his pride told him to spend the evening alone. He went to his own room, tidying it up, only to remember he had left his cleaning supplies in Erwin's office. Sighing, he waited for a full ten minutes in his room, pacing, trying to decide if he should just leave it there overnight or go see the Captain. The social anxiety, however, just made him itch to clean his room, so he mustered up the courage and headed over.

Gently, he rapped his knuckles on the door. "Come in," the Captain's voice responded. He nudged the door open. 

"I forgot my cleaning stuff," he grumbled. 

Erwin rose and helped him gather the supplies from earlier. "I wanted to thank you again for assisting me with this task," he said. "It does look a lot better in here." He reached for the broom, then tried to hand it to Levi, almost dropping it. Levi grabbed it swiftly. 

"Clumsy fucker," he teased. Erwin's hand was still on the broom handle, just above Levi's. He raised a thin eyebrow, almost cocky. 

Erwin let go, turning away, picking up the dustpan. "Here," he said, a little awkward. 

Levi returned to his room, bucket and broom in one hand, clutching the dustpan to his chest with the other. Dropping everything to the floor, he went to sit down on the bed. He stared at the fallen items, the bucket, tipped over, spilling its contents onto the carpet. 

Erwin stirred his emotions, made him feel vulnerable. He drew his knees up to his chest. 

There was a knock at the door. Levi raised his head. "Fuck off."

The door creaked open slightly, revealing a slice of Erwin's face. One blue eye peeked at him. "Can... I come in?" he asked. His giant, rough fingers curled around the edge of the door. 

Levi shrugged, turning away. 

The door creaked open. Erwin stood, his Survey Corps jacket nowhere in sight. Instead, his white collared shirt made him look casually debonair, tucked into his white slacks. He stood there for a moment, watching Levi, whose cheek was on his knee. 

Then he crossed over to Levi and sat next to him; the bed sank a little beneath his weight. "Levi..." he started. The small man raised his head to look at him. "Since we've met, a lot has changed."

He snorted. "No shit."

"No....listen to me. Since we've met, so much has changed, and...I like where it's going. I consider you to be very important, Levi. To the Corps especially, but also, well, also to me." Erwin folded his hands in his lap. 

Levi was silent. He watched Erwin closely. 

"I mean..." The Captain took a deep breath and steadied himself. "I trust your opinion on matters I don't trust myself on. Your skills are incredible and I find myself continually in awe of your being. Levi, I want to continue to get to know you, but also, I want to know you in different ways, too." 

He examined Levi expectantly. Levi returned the gaze, challenging. "What do you mean?"

Erwin sighed, ran a hand through his perfectly combed hair, messing it up slightly. "What I mean...is this." He leaned forward and, without breaking eye contact, drew Levi's chin up, pausing for a moment so Levi knew what he was about to do before their lips touched. He didn't pull away. It surprised him, the shock of Erwin's warm lips on his, soft, gentle. He pulled away slowly, but their foreheads pressed together, neither one of them brave enough to move.

Levi remember to breathe, and inhaled Erwin's cologne, his eyes half closed. His heart pounding, head spinning, he said, "Erwin..."

"I'm sorry," the thick eyebrows met in a frown, "Was that wrong of me?"

Levi shook his head. Emotion swelled in his chest. "No. It wasn't. Shut up." He reached up and pulled Erwin down again, this kiss lasting longer. 

Yes, Levi realised, Erwin Smith was a man who knew him, whom he could trust. Erwin was a friend. Erwin was more than a friend. 

And in that moment, the last part of Levi that was holding back, hesitant, reluctant to trust again, to be close to someone, was gone, and he belonged to Erwin, wholly and completely. That night, he spent in Erwin's arms, quietly, comfortably, engulfed in their weight, safe, and in the morning, he realised he had no nightmares, no fear, only peace.


End file.
